Tag Archives: Grace

Out there. Here.


You ever get there? You ever figure?Where your tired is tired?

Is this what it is?

Is this how it plays out?

Gnashing my teeth unconsciously I only notice when I have a headache.

Chest so tight I hear a wheeze.

Not the asthma wheeze. It’s the heart-fractured-in-so-many-places pain is oozing out from every crack-kind-of-wheeze.

Neither Band-aid nor POP can fix this.

Silent screams wishing somehow to be heard..

How do I sort through this pain? settled in my chest like a king.

Where do I start to mend from?

Pain so diverse, yet so familiar I don’t even know where to ligate.

To stop the bleeding that has become.
But You are great, O God. There can be no other. You are true. All else is a lie. You are Great. Beautiful for all situations. I can’t concern myself with anything else. I won’t concern myself with anything else. You slay me. I praise you. 
One day. That day. The day. She comes forth. It comes forth.

That day that her experience lines up with her position.

That day that the tears are of joy not sorrow.

Great day when her heart takes flight.
You are beautiful, You are lovely. You are kind, you are wise, you are IMPORTANT.

He will remind you how lovely, how honorable, how beautiful, how valuable, how important you are.

Your light shines brighter and brighter. Nothing barren is roundabout or inside of you. You are woman, phenomenally you, blessedly priceless. 
It won’t be long now. Blessings upon blessings. Mountains being removed. It won’t be long now. 
The day comes, it breaks forth, when you don’t have to struggle to wonder if you are special to the man that God has kept for you. Where you don’t have to doubt if it’s you or it’s everyone else. Till then, thank the Lord that to Him, you are always special, always different, always loved, always cherished. 

Thank you Jesus for your unfailing love. 

This thing called Love.


Two nights ago I tried to imagine what heaven looked like on the day of the crucifixion.

A little background-God was on earth, living as a man, ‘limited’ by all the frailties and the constrictions of this human body. 
I’m sure there were discourses and talks in heaven on this topic. ‘The Benefits of being man’ or ‘The man-God’. Lol. The Angels must have wondered why anyone who could be in a million different places at once would want to be in one place, walking around in the dust and the harsh weather,talking to people whose hearts were so hardened by sin,pain and everything in between, that they probably wouldn’t have listened.

You know why I’m certain they would have talked about it? Because the bible says that angels long to look into the things of salvation. They long to understand it. But they don’t. That is a sole preserve of God and humans.
Think about that for a while, will you?
So,come crucifixion afternoon,Jesus died. 
God died. 
The hosts of heavenly armies must have looked on in horror. I know that they were loyal to God entirely, and they trusted that He knew what He was doing-after all, He has NEVER failed. But I often wonder if maybe a few of them thought that maybe God had taken it too far?
 Probably my humanity talking….lol.
Anyway, my musing continued.I imagined that as they looked on, they kept thinking in their minds, he will send us out to end this madness right now. I’m sure they were more than ready to save Jesus from this terrible,shameful death in a micro second. They must have wondered what on earth(pun intended) was going on. With the flick of their fingers they could have ended the crucifixion and restored Jesus’ body.
Yet God told them to do nothing. To stay put.
Nothing.
How frustrating,I imagine.
Heaven must have been silent. 
God died. 
Oh,but resurrection morning came. Resurrection morning. The morning that altered everything forever.
Everything changed from there. Even our regular calendar is dated Before Christ, and After Death. B.C And A.D.
He rose. He used death to destroy death itself so everyone knows they need not die or be subject to death anymore.
His death made a public show of the disgrace of Satan.
His resurrection made a public show of God’s superiority and Boss-hood. Lol.  Not that it needed to be shown. 
The heavens declare His power and Royalty.
Creation worships just by being. The sun worships by rising and setting every day since forever without fail. The cock crows the same time everyday, via an internal body clock. The earth has not fallen out of orbit since creation. Who else but God could have done that?
Pastor Philip Ransom Bello would always say that if the devil understood what God’s plan of salvation was,he would have done everything to make sure Jesus did not die.
Salvation was a brilliant,genius thing that could have only been brought about by a God whose ways are so superior,so unbelievably foolproof that it can only be the true God. It’s motivation is love. Pure,blinding,scandalous,unprecedented, unequivocal,unapologetic(please insert your own adjectives here)love. A love that the Angels cannot understand because the salvation plan was not even made known to them. 
A love that cut through my heart last night in a way that I cannot fully explain. A love that humbled me and left me unable to stand(literally)for the sheer force of it, just so I can hold my head up high the rest of the days of my life,knowing that I am loved in ways that I can’t fully comprehend until maybe this body is renewed.
I’m saved. I didn’t earn it. I could never pay for it. But it was given freely to me. Because I believed. Only.
He died. Then He rose. 
For me.
Overwhelmed. Forever in awe.

Musings on Sovereign.


I read Da Vinci’s code for the first time in 2005. I’d never heard of Dan Brown before that time, so I had no prior biases.

I enjoyed it. Immensely. It was such an interesting, well written, fast paced thriller. Of course the fact that it was a book speaking about so-called controversies in the catholic church(I was raised catholic and there was so much I didn’t understand. Not to say this book helped me understand any further..lol. But it helped solidify my already restless thoughts about God and Church and all that jazz. However that is talk for another time. I digress!)

At the end of it all, I came away with the ‘knowledge'(even though he already wrote a disclaimer that although his book was well researched, it was a work of fiction) that Jesus Christ had indeed married Mary Magdalene and had a child.

To be honest, I didn’t know how to take this information. I was not incensed nor was I completely disbelieving. I tried to reason it out like an intellectual. I wanted to be one of those of whom it could be said that could read anything and process the information without becoming unduly influenced. You see, it was important to me that I was not known as a religious bigot, neither did I want to be known as an intolerant person.

So after much ruminating, I came to the conclusion that it was okay if Jesus was married. He was man, wasn’t he? Marriage is a very important part of adult life, I told myself.

So long as my beliefs were not shaken, so long as him being married did not affect how I viewed Jesus, it was okay.

And I was fine.

Three days ago, (nine years and maybe a few months later), I stumbled upon the Da-vinci code on TV. It became a big motion picture, as you all know, and it was the subject of so much talk.

And in watching it, I realised I never really believed that Jesus was married.

Not because of any indoctrination either.

No, this revelation was wholly of the spirit of God. And I know this because I could not have thought it through in my own knowledge.

You see, Jesus was and is God. He came to earth to save us from what we could not save ourselves from. We could never have pleased God because we were never good enough from the start. Adam made sure of that.

He is one with God, and so He knows all things with God. He knows our end from our beginning. He knows every man’s thoughts before he even thinks it.

And because God is the biggest dramatist, the best cinematographer, screen writer, the biggest movie writer of all time, the biggest everything of everything good and beautiful, because God wrote the plan of salvation long before we even knew we needed saving, he also knew that the Da-vinci code would be written in this time. He knew that the topic of Jesus’ marriage-or lack thereof would come up.

He knew man’s propensity to fit God into a box, into his own mold. Into his own understanding.

He knew man would try to think through the issue of salvation in his own limited thoughts.

He knew that, if Jesus got married, had an earthly bloodline, had earthly children,someone would try to water down salvation and grace. That man would reduce the fact of Jesus’ death and resurrection to a matter of earthly bloodlines. That we would try to compress the fact that because we have access now to God wholly through Jesus Christ, that we have the righteousness of God through Christ and Christ alone, making us sons and co-heirs, someone would try to make us all unequal in grace because someone would say that the original earthly bloodline of Jesus was superior and that these superior ones who have his blood flowing through their veins may not have to confess with their mouths and believe with their hearts that Jesus is Lord.

Because that’s what humans do. We classify. We segregate. We separate into castes. Into colors.

But in God there are no favorites. In God we are ALL equal. We are all sons. All children of the Most High. Jesus’ blood saved me and redeemed me and gave me unlimited, unending access.

Me and everyone else who believes that Jesus is Lord.

And that is all that counts.

PS-I have ‘un-learned’ the ‘knowledge’ of Jesus’ marriage. Hehe.

Oh, and Happy new year guys 🙂 Better late than never.